The thirties thing
Here’s an of example of why I like my thirties so much… (First some context: my birthday falls around a holiday and as a kid I never had birthday parties; later I organized my own parties; later still, friends made a point of celebrating my birthday in a way that they deemed resembled me (not that they were ever wrong, but they specifically and consistently believe that a big party would not be “my style”. Once they even organized a fabulous weekend trip, but just before we left, hurricane Katrina washed off the road right at our destination… I’m not complaining, just stating facts). Well, at the end of this summer, I’ll turn 33, like it or no. And Herb had an idea, and I’m following up on it (meaning I’ve gone into organization overdrive mode (with Eclipse and our vacation coming up, make that überoverdrive)). His idea is to celebrate my birthday, as well as our seventh anniversary (three days after my birthday), by renting a big cottage for all our friends (note that in my twenties I would have balked at the thought of the idea of the expense, never mind that my friends had no means of transportation) for a weekend… and having my very favorite DJ in the universe (only because he’s the best, you know) mix some tunes! In my twenties? The thought of asking a favor for little old me would have made me run for cover. Now? I ask, without shame. And the answer I got is more than positive, it’s excruciatingly happyfying! Until now I refused to think of anything after our vacation. Now… I’ll be happy to come back!
That’s what I mean, really, when I say I’m exploding and have to explode. I’m allowing myself to be more of myself, and the rewards come daily and in bunches. Screw shyness, it’s never really done anything for me anyway. Screw trying to pretend or act like I’m a quiet story-less person so I don’t frighten anyone. You want the truth? All that anyone can know about me, online and off, is only a tiny fraction of all that goes on. You think you’ve got me pegged? Baby, you’re just holding my shadow. And if people around me see this and realize maybe I have a lot to offer, well that’s just fine by me. I’ll give gladly. I’m through living in anyone’s wake, gravitating around anyone. There’s so many things I can do, so many projects I can bring to life… so I just… do! Why not?
Last night, my mom told me that since she got online with the laptop I gave her, she feels she’s made an important step forward (she preceded that by “You know, old people are afraid of everything”, which I didn’t quite grasp, since my mom is anything but old and I never thought she could be afraid of anything–she raised me, didn’t she?). And that’s how I feel about my thirties–like I’ve moved on to a sphere I was never prepared for or told about. Of course everything up until now has led me here, but it’s more than that–it feels like a confirmation of everything I’ve ever strived for, even when I was fighting against every current I could find. I make my own current, as I’ve always have, really. But now I know it, baby!
July 28th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Hear, hear! It is indeed a fantastic decade.