Victimhood
After the Kid got mugged last week, Herb and I were talking. He said it was quite something for him, thinking back to the time when he was small enough to be a potential victim. Eventually, he had become the potential agressor, and as a teen he’d see women cross the street when he walked towards them. Not that he was mean or agressive, but he was a male teen. And as an adult man, he’s never had the fear, never known what the Kid feels walking alone in the evening, wondering if anything or anyone will jump out at him or scare him or talk to him or what. That was quite an eye-opener for me. See, as a woman, I’ve never not known that fear. It’s not a paralyzing fear that keeps me from doing anything, really, but it’s a question mark always in the back of my mind. When I get into a car at night by myself, I make sure no one is hiding on the back seat. I tend to be quite aware of who is where on the sidewalk when I’m by myself and it’s not broad daylight. That type of thing. As a child I was very afraid. Not because anything really bad had ever happened, but because the city itself scared me (not much danger where I grew up, except for traps put by poachers (who should all be shot, by the way), thin ice on streams and insect bites, which I never got anyway). And teenagers scared me (they were biiiig). To make the fear manageable, what I did was develop an outward attitude rather opposite to that of a potential victim. I look a lot meaner than I am. And I’m ready to lash out. In doubt, I carry my keys in between my knuckles. I have a don’t-fuck-with-me outward attitude, much meaner than my softish inside. So far it has worked, and I haven’t been harrassed in any way (okay, other than random men who try their luck on me) in a long time. I guess it’s a metter of personality, of finding a way to deal with fear that works for the individual. I’m thinking of the Kid, wondering what his strategy will be and how to steer him towards a good one (my fear being now that he will act as a victim, something bullies can smell from miles away, even though we live in kilometers, which just tells you how backwards bullies are).
February 25th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Interaction at the street level is a fascinating subject. There are all sorts of little things that make a difference (keeping keys ready as a weapon, eye contact or not). It’s a whole state of mind that makes some easy targets and others invisible. I know what you are talking about.
February 25th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
He loves acting. Maybe I can explain it to him from that point of view. You act like a modafucka, you get in character. Your character would be completely aware, completely ready. But here we hit another snag - the Kid does not *think*, plan, imagine ahead, organize, none of it. Only reason he remembers his key and his watch is because he’s really proud of having a key and afraid of being grounded if he comes home too late. And even that took an awful lot of practice to get to. He’s very impulsive, very into the moment - it’s not all bad, but for these situations it puts him at a disadvantage. I mean he daydreams deeply and often, so imagine what a cute target he is :-(