Le monde du vieux bandit

1. Clowns
2. Mascots
3. Wood ladders
4. Stairs with an open rise between steps
5. Plumbers and what they cost
6. Credit-related phone calls
7. Lack of toilet paper
8. Unidentified solid bits in milk
9. Black ice
10. Kids saying “REDRUM”
11. The most foul cruel and bad-tempered thing you ever set eyes on.
12. Zombies
13. Maniacs
14. Pizza slices hidden within your cubicle wall
15. Stalkers
16. Alarm clock sounds
17. The pitter patter of mice
18. Worms in food
19. Ending up working at McDonald’s
20. Hats on a bed
21. Open drawers
22. Life forms evolved from dust bunnies
23. American tourists
24. Taxi drivers if you’re driving another car
25. Having your life examined by the National Enquirer
26. Talking shoes, talking toothpaste, and the like
27. Rancid butter
28. MSG
29. Cow tippers
30. Those people on the bus who talk to everyone and you wish they wouldn’t talk to you but as you bury your nose in your book they’re making a b-line for the seat next to you
31. Blond girls (sorry, I’ve been burnt)
32. Spoons (especially if I threaten you with one)
33. Glasses of water (same remark)
34. Vogons
35. The Borg
36. Rope bridges
37. Chairlifts
38. Open elevator shafts
39. Stopped escalators
40. Hillbillies
41. Chtulu
42. Being buried alive
43. Divisions and multiplications
44. Loud neighbours
45. People who hit the doorway next to your face
46. People who wear brown socks… to match their brown suit
47. Small bathrooms
48. Yelling
49. Teenagers
50. Doctors
51. Being hit by a meteor
52. Dead birds
53. Broken glass on the floor
54. Not finding an apartment before the departure date from the last one
55. Becoming a weirdo who writes lists all day
56. Céline Dion
57. Lice
58. Being secretly filmed
59. Laser pointers
60. People hiding in your closet
61. Never getting over a cold or flu
62. Evil twins
63. Magical monkey paws
64. Those mechanical monkeys that clap their cymbals together
65. The World Wrestling Federation or whatever it’s called now
66. Milk gone bad
67. Spontaneous combustion
68. Being put on hold
69. Elevator music
70. Cough syrup
71. Those trucks with live chickens in them
72. Non-alcoholic beer
73. Ex-cons who go from door to door selling wallets
74. The big book of British smiles
75. Stories about wrist watches being stored up asses
76. Garden gnomes
77. William Shatner
78. Carnies
79. Sock puppets
80. Deranged mutant killer snow goons
81. The Teletubbies
82. Falling asleep on the metro and waking up after the last train has been parked for the night, i.e. being trapped in dark tunnels with rats
83. City sewers overflowing
84. Latex suits
85. Falling in a crack in the ice on a lake and not being able to find the hole again
86. Religious people
87. Leeches
88. My grandma on the road (not anymore, thank the universe!)
89. The NRA
90. Network administrators spreading hoax virus alerts
91. Being trapped in a fire
92. Rats or other creepy creatures that could possibly crawl up the pipes and bite your butt while you’re on the can
93. Dropping your soap in a prison shower
94. Getting your shoes/boots stolen (it’s happened to me so don’t laugh. At a friend’s place, no less. When there were three people there.)
95. Evil nerds
96. Gremlins
97. Lawnmowers
98. Your car breaking down in a tunnel or on a bridge
99. Fascists
100. Boyz bands

*list written years ago for another version of this site. I like to call this recycling. I also notice that this was pre-Bush, pre-Harper, pre-Patapouf, and the list is thus relatively light. If I were to re-write it today it would probably contain about a thousand entries. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 12th, 2007 at 9:51 am and is filed under random thoughts, * in english. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.